{"product_id":"bloom-bitch-watercolor-floral-sarcastic-wall-calendar","title":"Bloom \u0026 Bitch – Watercolor Floral Sarcastic Wall Calendar","description":"\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003eTired Of Calendars That Pretend Life Is Peaceful?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMost wall calendars act like your month is calm.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYours isn't.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBloom \u0026amp; Bitch hangs soft watercolor florals on your wall, then adds \u003cstrong\u003ea different blunt, funny line for every month of 2027\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/6713\/0987\/files\/1645712963776182-ezgif.com-resize.gif?v=1794310189\" alt=\"\" style=\"display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou still get real date boxes to write in.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou just get a laugh while you do it.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePrinted on paper, with a quote on every month — all twelve, not just the pretty ones.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003eWatercolor florals, with a different blunt, funny quote every month\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e✓ \u003cstrong\u003eA laugh every time you check the date\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTwelve months, twelve different sarcastic lines. Flipping the page stops being a chore and starts being the small, funny moment in your week.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/6713\/0987\/files\/hero-2_ebc66c03-26ff-4d82-838d-1de6cc369bd3.webp?v=1794307411\" alt=\"\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e✓ \u003cstrong\u003ePretty enough for the kitchen wall\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSoft watercolor florals in warm, sunlit tones. From across the room it reads as art. Up close, it reads as you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/6713\/0987\/files\/lifestyle-2_b52ad0b9-f43d-4e4a-8947-8c1d6f878cc8.webp?v=1794307411\" alt=\"\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e✓ \u003cstrong\u003eReal date boxes, not just decoration\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eEvery month has open squares to write in. Appointments, birthdays, school pickups — all in one place the whole house can see.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/6713\/0987\/files\/lifestyle-5_c0a412e8-eeba-400a-bfba-0a3915a1ea7b.webp?v=1794307411\" alt=\"\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e✓ \u003cstrong\u003eFlorals and foul language in one place\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMost funny calendars are ugly. Most pretty calendars are dull. This one refuses to pick a side, so you don't have to either.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0907\/6713\/0987\/files\/hero-1-r3_0216e672-9514-48e5-bc8a-220b1448d50d.webp?v=1794307411\" alt=\"\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat you get today\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBloom \u0026amp; Bitch 2027 wall calendar\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTwelve months of watercolor floral artwork, each with its own quote\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWritable monthly date grid for appointments and reminders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eReady to hang — no assembly, nothing to set up\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFree tracked shipping\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e30-day money-back guarantee\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDated stock for 2027 only — once this print run is gone, it is not reprinted.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEnjoy a little more humor in your monthly planning with Bloom \u0026amp; Bitch during this limited-time offer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"background-color: #FAF3EB; padding: 20px 24px; margin-top: 16px; border-left: 6px solid #D9BFA6;\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e30-day at-home trial\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTry Bloom \u0026amp; Bitch at home for 30 days. If the artwork, print quality, or writing space isn't what you expected, return it for a full refund.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFrequently asked questions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the calendar start in January?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. It runs January through December 2027, with a separate page for each month.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs there a hole or hook for hanging?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. It's ready to hang straight out of the packaging, so you can put it up the day it arrives.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the swearing on every page?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eEvery month has its own quote, and the humor is blunt throughout. If you share a wall with young kids or coworkers who won't love it, keep it somewhere a little more private.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I write in the date boxes with pen?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Pen, pencil, or fine marker all work on the paper. Pencil is easiest if your plans change often.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSpecifications\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSize: 11 x 7.9 x 0.4 in\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMaterial: Paper\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Lark \u0026 Clover","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":67159337468019,"sku":null,"price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0648\/6265\/0483\/files\/hero-1-r3_0216e672-9514-48e5-bc8a-220b1448d50d.webp?v=1794310427","url":"https:\/\/larkandclover.com\/products\/bloom-bitch-watercolor-floral-sarcastic-wall-calendar","provider":"Lark \u0026 Clover","version":"1.0","type":"link"}