Bloom & BitchWatercolor Floral Sarcastic Wall Calendar
- 30-day money-back guarantee
- Free tracked USPS shipping
- 73,500 happy customers
Only 3 left
Ships by Fri, November 13
The 11.11 Sale
Everything below is marked down until tomorrow. The more you add, the more you save — it comes off automatically, on top of the sale price.
10%
2 items
15%
3 items
20%
4 items
Tired Of Calendars That Pretend Life Is Peaceful?
Most wall calendars act like your month is calm.
Yours isn't.
Bloom & Bitch hangs soft watercolor florals on your wall, then adds a different blunt, funny line for every month of 2027.
You still get real date boxes to write in.
You just get a laugh while you do it.
Printed on paper, with a quote on every month — all twelve, not just the pretty ones.
Watercolor florals, with a different blunt, funny quote every month
✓ A laugh every time you check the date
Twelve months, twelve different sarcastic lines. Flipping the page stops being a chore and starts being the small, funny moment in your week.
✓ Pretty enough for the kitchen wall
Soft watercolor florals in warm, sunlit tones. From across the room it reads as art. Up close, it reads as you.
✓ Real date boxes, not just decoration
Every month has open squares to write in. Appointments, birthdays, school pickups — all in one place the whole house can see.
✓ Florals and foul language in one place
Most funny calendars are ugly. Most pretty calendars are dull. This one refuses to pick a side, so you don't have to either.
What you get today
- Bloom & Bitch 2027 wall calendar
- Twelve months of watercolor floral artwork, each with its own quote
- Writable monthly date grid for appointments and reminders
- Ready to hang — no assembly, nothing to set up
- Free tracked shipping
- 30-day money-back guarantee
Dated stock for 2027 only — once this print run is gone, it is not reprinted.
Enjoy a little more humor in your monthly planning with Bloom & Bitch during this limited-time offer.
Try Bloom & Bitch at home for 30 days. If the artwork, print quality, or writing space isn't what you expected, return it for a full refund.
Does the calendar start in January?
Yes. It runs January through December 2027, with a separate page for each month.
Is there a hole or hook for hanging?
Yes. It's ready to hang straight out of the packaging, so you can put it up the day it arrives.
Is the swearing on every page?
Every month has its own quote, and the humor is blunt throughout. If you share a wall with young kids or coworkers who won't love it, keep it somewhere a little more private.
Can I write in the date boxes with pen?
Yes. Pen, pencil, or fine marker all work on the paper. Pencil is easiest if your plans change often.
- Size: 11 x 7.9 x 0.4 in
- Material: Paper
Every order is covered by our 30-day guarantee, starting the day your order arrives. Many issues are solved without sending anything back — damaged, wrong, or ill-fitting items are typically replaced free.
Changed your mind? Return it within 30 days of delivery for a refund — you cover the return postage, and there is no restocking fee. See our Refund policy.
No extra taxes or shipping charges. What you see is what you pay.
Your order is dispatched within 1–2 business days and delivered within a further 3–8 business days — most orders arrive within 4–10 business days. Free shipping with USPS, and you'll get a tracking link the moment it ships, so you can follow it door to door.
Same delivery time for every country we ship to. Full details in our Shipping policy.
